A little melancholy

[feliciakw]

On the day he passed, I made a post about how I was a huge Michael Jackson fan when I was in high school (specifically, my freshman year). I wasn't as huge a fan when the Bad album came out, and after that album, I pretty much lost interest. But his music still speaks to me of that era of my life. It brings back memories.

I forgot that today was his memorial. Had I remembered, I might have Tivoed it. But with a reminder, I've been on-line and looking at some pictures and reading some articles, and my heart kinda hurts.

Because when you strip away all the glitz and the glamour and the scandal (which I don't have an opinion on) and the weirdness, he was a man, an incredible entertainer, but more to the point, a brother, an uncle, a father, and a friend. I feel for him, and for his children and his siblings. He could have had anything he wanted, but didn't have what he needed. Or if he did, he didn't realize it.

So often (though not always) the most brilliant artists are also the most tormented. And so it seems it was with Michael Jackson.

I just . . . don't quite know what to do with all of this.

And on the totally opposite end of the spectrum, I've watched the first half of this video entirely too much in the past couple of days.

Comments

[ficwriter1966.livejournal.com]

I spent most of the afternoon watching the memorial. I have to admit that when the scandal was going on, my overwhelming feeling was, "Well...there's got to be some basis for this, right?" When you add that to his physical changes over the years, and the oddness concerning his kids, I really kind of backed off from thinking anything too positive about him.

But I do remember that joyous, vibrant little boy I saw on TV in the J5 heyday. I have the Jackson 5 Greatest Hits album (on vinyl, of course) and what I loved most about those songs was the JOY that was so evident in them.

Today, watching his friends and family talk about their fond memories (and their grief), I found myself believing that yes, this was just a man. Tormented? Yes, I think so. But apparently he did maintain some bit of normalcy - loved to laugh with his friends, and play with his children, and looked forward to entertaining his fans. I do think we've lost something with his passing. And I regret terribly that he didn't have the chance to live a peaceful, love-filled, somewhat "normal" existence. It broke my heart when his daughter stepped up to the microphone, choked out the words, "My daddy was the best father ever," and then burst into tears.

[kimmer1227.livejournal.com]

I didn't see much coverage at all, but I did see his daughter. That was heartwrenching.

He was definitely a ground breaker. I remember when MTV started playing his vids. I remember thinking "It's about time they have some color up in here! Go, Michael!" He opened up music to people who maybe wouldn't listen to "black music."

[feliciakw.livejournal.com]

The reason I say that I have no opinion regarding the scandal is that I'm of two minds about it. Ot1h, do I think it's possible that there was not "anything" going on? Given that MJ seemed to be a man who was, in many regards, emotionally . . . stunted . . . fascinated with childhood likely because he was denied one himself, I can see where he would just enjoy spending time with kids. You know?

But otoh, as an adult, he had to know that what he was doing was unseemly, even if there wasn't anything actually going on. Particularly if it's true that once these kids reached a certain age, he turned his back on them. That would be extremely hurtful for a child, to have a dear friend, something of a "father figure," if my understanding is correct, to suddenly break off contact.

It seems to have been at the least an exercise in poor judgment, if not something much worse.

The constant surgeries I just find very sad at this point. He was such a cute little boy, and a very good looking young man, even into the Thriller days, when I believe the only surgery he'd had was a nose job. But after Bad, things just got out of hand, and I can't help but be saddened by it.

I'm not sure what to make regarding the strange circumstances surrounding his children.

So yes, in his later years, I, too, hesitated to think much other than be really confused and saddened by it.

My brother remembers seeing an interview with MJ and Lisa Marie, in which MJ would say something that it was obvious Lisa Marie knew was going to be taken the wrong way, and she'd try to reword it or clarify it or whatever. So it would seem that at least a few of those close to him were aware of the damage he was doing to himself regarding public opinion. (BTW, if you get a chance and can find LMP's MySpace page and the entry she posted, it's very interesting to read her thoughts, and rather explains some things about their relationship.)

I read about Paris's speech. It sounds heartbreaking.

[kimmer1227.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

It does bring back oodles and oodles of memories, from many eras. I mentioned elsewhere that the Jackson 5 was my first concert experience at a fairly young age. One of the cooler parents on my street escorted a bunch of crazy preteen fangurlz on the excursion. I still can picture vividly the concert banner I bought and hung in my room.

I didn't get to watch any coverage, but did DVR it. I can burn you a DVD if you'd like. I missed the first few minutes (I remote recorded it as an afterthought - love that feature from DirecTV), but should have most of it. I think I recorded NBC and CNN. I'll check it when I get home.

[feliciakw.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thanks.

I'd very much appreciate a DVD of the service, if for no other reason than to put to rest an entertainer who held a rather significant place in my life during my coming-of-age years.

[kimmer1227.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I got nothing. Nothing recorded. I've recorded that way many many times with no problems. Today? Nada. I think it was because the online guide still showed the original programming and the actual guide had changed to the special coverage, so it didn't record 'cos it didn't match up or something. Anyway... Sorry.

[feliciakw.livejournal.com]

That's okay. That's happened to us, too. Thanks, though, for the offer.

I found the clips I really wanted to see on YT: Paris and Brooke, as well as the closing by Jermaine and Marlon. I'll probably be looking at clips on YT off and on for the next few days.

It's so strange. I feel kind of like I did when my cousin died. It was sad and tragic, and yet part of me really couldn't quite wrap my brain around the fact that the person is actually gone. It kinda feels like life should get back to normal--including the missing person still being around--but that version of "normal" is gone. Obviously the impact of losing my cousin was greater on me, but . . .

It's just strange and sad to know this person is gone.