Mourning loss

[feliciakw]

Where to start, where to start?

My laptop (i.e., the computer that has everything on it) is on the blink. Yesterday, for no apparent reason (though there must be a reason) the screen stopped working. I can hear the hard drive booting up, spinning, making its little grindy buzzing noises as it starts up, but the screen does nada. As a result, I can't see anything.

Geo transferred a HUGE amount of what's on my laptop hard drive onto his iMac. Which is good. Which is wonderful. I can still work on my writing, and obviously I still have 'Net access. So receiving e-mails isn't a problem. Neither is sending them.

It's the e-mails on the laptop--years' worth of e-mails--involving everything from theater doings to story writing to general squeeing to philisophical discussion--that are inaccessible. Possibly gone. The "e-mails" have been transfered to the big 'puter, but the contents is missing. Gone. Phft.

Now, I'm 99.9% sure that the stuff is still on my laptop and I just can't see it. So in reality, it's really probably not as bad as I'm making it out to be. But part of me is very afraid that when we take the 'puter to be fixed, they'll do something to it and everything will be gone.

izhilzha, that means almost all the notes you've sent me on the current project might be gone. (Though I *think* those have been transfered to the big 'puter. Some have, some haven't. Not sure the logic. But there ya go. *sigh*

I tell myself this is no big deal, but I'm feeling really blah about it right now. I tell myself that I need to get used to loss, what with the upcoming move and all. Loss of things in the process of moving, loss of things in transit, loss of church, loss of job, loss of working relationships, loss of standing in the theater community, loss of service people (doctors, stylists, etc.). Just . . . loss.

This move has been drawn out for so long, I want to scream. And cry. But after the screaming and crying, where am I? Right back where I started.

Oh, and Geo got his letter of transfer yesterday. His first day at the new facility should be May 1. But of course they put the provision in the orders that things could be postponed if construction doesn't go as scheduled. But right now, May 1.

Methinks part of my New Year's resolution is going to have to be to learn to enjoy things/people/relationships while they last, and not be sad when they're gone. It's the last part I have trouble with. I know that there will be a lot of exciting new beginnings this year, too, and that learning to accept loss is a good thing, but . . .

(Heck, I'm afraid to even put in writing what I'm thinking right now . . . )


Yeah. Happy New Year.

Comments

[izhilzha.livejournal.com]

On your behalf, I bemoan your loss. *hugs*

izhilzha, that means almost all the notes you've sent me on the current project might be gone. (Though I *think* those have been transfered to the big 'puter. Some have, some haven't. Not sure the logic. But there ya go. *sigh*

Wah! No fair! I didn't save any of that to my Sent files, either. *headdesk*

And I'll need to resend you any fic of mine you had for beta. Eventually. Yes?

[feliciakw.livejournal.com]

On the bright side, Geo was finally able to download the contents of the e-mails to the big 'puter. Which means that it is indeed still on the li'l 'puter. (Here's hoping it's still there when I get my li'l 'puter back). It's just a matter of finding the appropriate e-mails in the "Imported" file, I think.

As for re-sending your fic to be betaed . . . [runs off and checks e-mails] . . . Ooh. It's still here. It will probably take longer than anticipated to get it back to you (since Geo and I are back to sharing a 'puter as we did long ago), so you just go work on your spec scripts. :-)

[kerravonsen]

Methinks part of my New Year's resolution is going to have to be to learn to enjoy things/people/relationships while they last, and not be sad when they're gone. It's the last part I have trouble with.

Remember what Joy Gresham said to C. S. Lewis: The pain then is part of the happiness now.

[feliciakw.livejournal.com]

:-) Thank you. I'll need this reminder often in the upcoming months.