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feliciakwI have both very much and very little to say about this ep.
Then . . . Sam and Dean have this nasty habit of getting killed. Also, Dean's amulet, the one Sam gave him, can help find God.
Now . . .
Wow. That's a lot of beer cans. Dean? Did you get a good night's sleep?
Masked hunters get the jump on Sam and Dean. Masked hunters named Roy and Walt. Keep that in mind for the future Disneyland reference.
"He made us, and we just snuffed his brother, ya idiot. You want to spend the rest of your life knowing Dean Winchester's on your ass?" And the correct response to that is no. Because you will be very, very sorry.
And how much does it break the heart to see Sam lying there on the bed, looking all asleep, except for being covered in blood?
And Dean. That cold, cold clench of the jaw. Yeah, you do not want an angry Dean Winchester after you.
I kinda love Dean's "when I come back." He's done this so many times, it's like a given that he'll be back. I don't know whether to be amused or perturbed.
Nice edit from the gunshot to the title card.
I have decided that "Knocking on Heaven's Door" is Dean's song of faith. Or desire for faith. It's what played at the end of "Houses of the Holy," when Dean admitted that the thought he'd seen the will of God. It's playing now when he's reached Heaven. I find this to be a nice thematic touch.
Teen!Sam!!! Jensen talked at the LA con about shooting this scene. I kind of love it. Sam so happy to be doing something like this with Dean. Dean providing Sam something John wouldn't let them do. Dean going behind John's back to do this for his brother. The excitement and open awe on Dean's face. This truly is as purely happy a memory as he has. And Sammy dancing under the stars and fireworks. Oh, boys. *hugs them*
Dean is not dreaming. How did he get to Heaven? Oh, yes, this promises to be an interesting episode!
LOVE the low-hanging moon, It's fascinating. And reflects (no pun intended) the actual title of the ep.
Given the title of the ep and the allusions to The Wizard of Oz . . . oh, Show. You do love your pop cult in-jokes.
Dean and Sam's conversation about why they're each in Heaven. I do believe Dean has completely forgiven Sam for his mistakes. Sam doesn't think he should be in Heaven, and Dean immediately points out that Sam thought he was doing the right thing. The whole starting the Apocalypse thing is over and done with. Water under the bridge. The wounds that get opened up in this ep are much, much deeper.
And the wounds start opening right here. Dean wakes up in a memory that has Sam. Sam wakes up in a memory containing people who are total strangers to Sam's own family, a memory wherein he's essentially part of a different family.
"Don't go into the light." Bwah!
And Cas . . . is definitely getting frustrated with not being able to find God.
And Dean . . . wants to find God. He admits God is the only one who can help them. "Prayer. The last hope of a desperate man." And Dean is that. He's reached the end of his rope. And it looks to me like Sam is maybe just getting an inkling of how desperate Dean is.
I also kind of find it interesting that Dean seems much more willing to think "outside the box" in Heaven than Sam is.
Dean's toy cars! Wee!Dean's wardrobe! "I Wuv Hugz"!!! Bwah! And Dean in tennis shoes. Oh, Dean.
Dean and Mary. Oh, my word! Jensen looks so . . . young . . . youthful . . . boyish . . . something . . . here. Just . . . Dean, reliving a precious memory before his life fell apart. And yet even at that tender age, he was trying to keep his family together.
John and Mary's fight. John moved out. I've read this! Or something similar.
"Dad always said they had the perfect marriage."
"It wasn't perfect until after she died."
I . . . don't know what to say. So real. So painful.
"It's okay, Mom. Dad still loves you. I love you, too. I'll never leave you." And Sam gets new insight into his brother. Almost like back in S1, when he first learned that Dean didn't talk after the fire. Things he didn't know his brother lost. Or the responsibility little Dean carried, even then.
"I just never realized how long you've been cleaning up Dad's messes." Oh, Sam. I think sometimes you forget what a strong brother you have. And how easily he hurts. And Sam hurts for him.
Sam's memory of Flagstaff. I'm happy for his happy memory. And for his dog. And living on Funions and Mr. Pibb. But.
But the flip side is what his brother went through. "You ran away on my watch. I looked everywhere for you. I thought you were dead. And when Dad came home . . . " (I'm not sure what to make of this last bit. It feels almost like ret-conning, in that it feels like it's supposed to imply that Dean got a beating for losing track of Sam, when we have it on pretty good canon authority from "Nightmare" that John didn't hit his sons. But it could also be read that Dad was angry, which I can totally see . . . Anyway . . .)
Sam enjoys the memory of being on his own for two weeks. Dean remembers worry, fear, and anger. Sam running away from him. And this is the earliest incident of what becomes a habit with Sam throughout the series. "Dean, I'm sorry. I never thought about it like that." No, Sam, you didn't think. We've had this discussion before.
And they walk from that memory right into the night Sam left for Stanford. And this Sam knows will hurt Dean. And he tries to move Dean away from the memory. But the hurt will not be avoided. Dean realizes that one of the worst nights of his life is one of Sam's Heaven moments. I get that it was the independence that Sam liked. The getting away from John. But one man's independence is another man's abandonment. And that's what Dean sees in Sam's memories--Sam's consuming desire to be a part of a different family and experience. That Sam's idea of Heaven is an experience that does not include Dean. And that? That cuts Dean on a level I doubt even Alistair could reach.
And I cannot tell you how much I hurt for Dean. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes right now. Because Sam leaving Dean is a recurring theme throughout their relationship. Flagstaff, Stanford (which we are led to believe--continuity errors notwithstanding--that Sam expressed no desire for contact with Dean once he left), and later in "Scarecrow" (though there they actually did talk and keep in touch and looked ready to try a more well-adjusted relationship), and "Hunted," (where Sam, after Dean had begged him for something only Sam could provide, snuck out in the middle of the night, leaving no note or forwarding address), and every night he snuck out with Ruby, and finally, throttling Dean before choosing Ruby over Dean to go fight Lilith.
But Sam never thought of it that way. He never took Dean's perspective into consideration. He never considered what his constantly leaving did to Dean.
I have been waiting for years for Sam to get a clue and realize all of this.
And it looks like in this ep, finally, finally he does. I fear, though, that it might be too little, too late.
(I know my Sam!girl f-listies probably won't appreciate what I've just written. If you need to, consider that I relate to Dean on at least one level: I have a certain fear of being left behind and forgotten. So I can sympathize with Dean's hurt when the person he cares about most in the world actively wants to leave him behind.)
And Sam tries to explain that they look at family differently, but that doesn't really help Dean. Sam tries to reassure Dean that it's still "you and me against the world," and that they're a team, but Dean's experience of the opposite is too vast, and now, seeing what are Sam's Heaven memories . . . he questions that, doesn't trust it anymore.
Now that Sam realizes just how deep this hurt runs in Dean, he's going to have to find a way that Dean understands and will accept to rebuild what's been lost here.
But Zach won't give them time.
Wait. What? Um . . . ookay . . . What's with the Mexican wrestling mask? Bzuh?
"Wait, who are you?" And as Mystery Dude is taking off the mask and cape, I'm sitting there going, "It's . . . It's . . . It's ASH!!!" \o/
And you know? I saw his name in the opening credits, but it totally didn't click!
And I tell Geo, "This is why they have to do Heaven episodes. So they can bring back the awesome supporting cast that they keep killing off!"
Ash was his congregation's number one snake handler! BWAH!!! Of course Ash was a snake handler. I laughed out loud! That's awesome.
One thing I find interesting about what Ash says about people--soul mates--being able to share a heaven . . . Though Sam and Dean were in each other's heavens, they have yet to actually share the experience. Like, have a memory that they both rate as heaven-worthy. However, the fact that they can travel between each other's heavens, that's a good sign for reconciliation, yes? Yes? YES?????
I am pleased that my suspicion that Dean likes Johnny Cash is confirmed here. I also like that Ash can travel between heavens (and this concept of Heaven reminds me very much of the book Five People You Meet in Heaven. It's a common conception of Heaven, but it's not exactly scriptural. However, one aspect that I do like that I think they get right is the idea of having eternity to get to know everyone else in Heaven. Because that will be awesome. Anyway . . . ).
"You boys die more than anyone I have ever met." And this makes me wonder how many times they've died that we don't know about. But then again, maybe I don't want to know.
I love Ash's reaction to learning that Ellen and Jo are dead. And I love that he's been looking for John and Mary.
Pamela!
"It's awesome to have an application--a practical application--for string theory." BWAH! Larry Fleinhardt would love you, Ash.
"If it makes you feel any better, we got Ash killed, too."
"I'm cool with it!"
"He's cool with it."
Oh, I love the banter!
And . . . I'm not sure what to make of the conversation between Dean and Pamela. " 'Tis better to serve in Heaven than to reign in Hell." But her urging Dean to say yes to Michael? It made me a little twitchy for just a moment. But given her experience, I guess I can see her point.
Also? I love Ash and Pamela's interaction. I love the "hang loose" gesture she gives him.
Also, however? I thought Sam was the one Pamela had her eyes on. But apparently Dean was the one she dreamed about kissing.
And at this point . . . things start getting twitchy for me. I've well decided that YEMary is a manipulation created by Zach, whom I well and truly do not like. But I getting ahead of things just a little bit here.
The thing about Dean? The demons know where to hit to hit his weak spot. When YEMary is done, Dean has now heard it in all three of his family's voices. 1) He heard John's voice tell him, "They [your family] don't need you. Not like you need them." 2) He's heard Sam's voice call him pathetic, tell Dean his family would be better off without him. He's also heard Sam tell him he's weak, and that he was holding Sam back. And now, 3) He's heard his mother's voice tell him she didn't love him, that he was a burden, that she was shackled to him. All three voices of the people he's loved and missed the most in his life, all three have told him they don't want him. And to top it all off? Mary's voice tells him that it's something wrong with Dean that makes them all leave. It doesn't really matter that none of these (with the exception of Sam under the siren's influence) were not the individuals themselves talking. What sticks with Dean is voices he loves telling him he's hated.
Sam does, at one moment, before YEM gets started, tries to distract Dean, and Dean looks to him, but they're trapped.
And is it just me, or is Mary talking in a very Zach-like cadence?
I do like that they give a biblical description of (some) angels (four faces, six wings), but I'm a little irked that they made Zach a throne room angel (which is where said four-faced/six-winged angels are seen in scripture).
Zach has taken Dean's memory and perverted it, turned it against him. And Sam is ready to take Zach out for it. But then henchmen show up, and Sam has to watch Zach start beating Dean. Oh, boys.
I like Joshua. Firm but soft spoken. Seems to be a straight shooter. And the boys' idea of The Garden is the Cleveland Botanical Gardens! Hee! Oh! Is this a memory they share? Did they go on the field trip together?
What I don't particularly like is the route the writers appear to be taking with God as uninterested and uninvolved. I'm not surprised that this is the route they're taking. And if they end up doing something amazingly cool, I'll be delighted. And given that Joshua says God is on Earth, I think there's a possibility that we've not heard the last of it. But I'm not holding my breath.
Not that I want a deus ex machina. I understand Sam and Dean being the central force for good in the story. And I am totally behind the free will aspect of things. I just . . . This whole exchange between the boys and Joshua bothered me, with God saying it's not his problem, and he put them on the plane and brought Castiel back and that's enough, he's finished. Just . . . no.
Again, not surprised by this turn of events, but I'm not thrilled with it. *sigh*
And from a character perspective? God was Dean's last hope. He now has . . . nothing. Nothing to fall back on, nothing he can trust, no one he believes will support him. What do you do when you have nothing left? What do you do when God turns his back on you?
And as bad as Dean being so crushed is, is Castiel. Cas, who has just had all his hopes and everything he believed in ripped from him. Man, I hope the writers can turn all of this into something cool that I can get behind, because while I understand and appreciate crises of faith, I want a payoff that makes the struggle worth it.
Cas returns Dean's amulet, calls it worthless. And Sam . . . Sam wants to fix things, to encourage Cas, but Cas disappears to parts unknown. As far as they know, another ally lost.
And Sam is determined to find another way. At this point, Sam is going to have to be the one to keep the mission going. Cas is gone (as far as we know), Bobby is in no condition to take part in the fight right now. And Dean. Dean is crushed. Just . . . crushed. It's going to take all of Sam's determination and drive and encouragement. He wants to find a way, with Dean. The two of them, to find a way to stop it. Sam, I hope you learned some lessons here, because it's your call now, dude.
When Dean didn't put on the necklace, I thought, "Oh, this is not good." I knew something was wrong.
And when Dean holds the amulet over the waste basket . . . Nonononono!
And he does. He drops it in the garbage. Because he thinks everything it represented has been a sham. And I was crushed.
I won't be surprised if we never see the amulet again. They've chosen to lose all Dean's jewelry this season. They haven't given us a good story reason for losing the ring or the watch, though they did work it out for Sam losing his bracelet. But the amulet . . . useless in finding God, representative of a brother whom he discovered does not include him among his best memories and experiences. A brother whose idea of heaven is getting away from Dean.
I like to think that the look Sam gives Dean as Dean walks out without a backward glance . . . I like to think that it is Sam finally realizing how much his brother hurts--just hurts--from what Sam has done to Dean (intentional or not), and from losing everything that has kept him going. I've wanted Sam to see this for years. And I hope this episode was a breakthrough in that regard. Because all the progress that has been made this season after they reunited? These wounds cut Dean deeper than anything.
And I like to think that the look holds at least a sliver of some sort of determination--realization that he has to do right by Dean, if not make it right, at least somehow find a way to restore some part of Dean's desire to go on, some small measure of hope.
I also think Dean's ditching the amulet is his way of cutting himself off from the past, but I can't really find the words to explain why I think that.
Now, part of me likes to think that Sam picked the amulet up out of the garbage and tucked it away, with the intention of re-gifting it to Dean at the appropriate time, symbolic of a new beginning, perhaps. But given the angst level on this show, I'm not holding my breath.
When asked at the recent con what it would take for the brothers to go back to the way they were in S1, Jensen responded that they will have to hit rock bottom. I thought they'd already been there. Apparently, I was very, very wrong.
*sob*
And next week? Boy am I twitchy about that one. Excited, yes. But twitchy.
Then . . . Sam and Dean have this nasty habit of getting killed. Also, Dean's amulet, the one Sam gave him, can help find God.
Now . . .
Wow. That's a lot of beer cans. Dean? Did you get a good night's sleep?
Masked hunters get the jump on Sam and Dean. Masked hunters named Roy and Walt. Keep that in mind for the future Disneyland reference.
"He made us, and we just snuffed his brother, ya idiot. You want to spend the rest of your life knowing Dean Winchester's on your ass?" And the correct response to that is no. Because you will be very, very sorry.
And how much does it break the heart to see Sam lying there on the bed, looking all asleep, except for being covered in blood?
And Dean. That cold, cold clench of the jaw. Yeah, you do not want an angry Dean Winchester after you.
I kinda love Dean's "when I come back." He's done this so many times, it's like a given that he'll be back. I don't know whether to be amused or perturbed.
Nice edit from the gunshot to the title card.
I have decided that "Knocking on Heaven's Door" is Dean's song of faith. Or desire for faith. It's what played at the end of "Houses of the Holy," when Dean admitted that the thought he'd seen the will of God. It's playing now when he's reached Heaven. I find this to be a nice thematic touch.
Teen!Sam!!! Jensen talked at the LA con about shooting this scene. I kind of love it. Sam so happy to be doing something like this with Dean. Dean providing Sam something John wouldn't let them do. Dean going behind John's back to do this for his brother. The excitement and open awe on Dean's face. This truly is as purely happy a memory as he has. And Sammy dancing under the stars and fireworks. Oh, boys. *hugs them*
Dean is not dreaming. How did he get to Heaven? Oh, yes, this promises to be an interesting episode!
LOVE the low-hanging moon, It's fascinating. And reflects (no pun intended) the actual title of the ep.
Given the title of the ep and the allusions to The Wizard of Oz . . . oh, Show. You do love your pop cult in-jokes.
Dean and Sam's conversation about why they're each in Heaven. I do believe Dean has completely forgiven Sam for his mistakes. Sam doesn't think he should be in Heaven, and Dean immediately points out that Sam thought he was doing the right thing. The whole starting the Apocalypse thing is over and done with. Water under the bridge. The wounds that get opened up in this ep are much, much deeper.
And the wounds start opening right here. Dean wakes up in a memory that has Sam. Sam wakes up in a memory containing people who are total strangers to Sam's own family, a memory wherein he's essentially part of a different family.
"Don't go into the light." Bwah!
And Cas . . . is definitely getting frustrated with not being able to find God.
And Dean . . . wants to find God. He admits God is the only one who can help them. "Prayer. The last hope of a desperate man." And Dean is that. He's reached the end of his rope. And it looks to me like Sam is maybe just getting an inkling of how desperate Dean is.
I also kind of find it interesting that Dean seems much more willing to think "outside the box" in Heaven than Sam is.
Dean's toy cars! Wee!Dean's wardrobe! "I Wuv Hugz"!!! Bwah! And Dean in tennis shoes. Oh, Dean.
Dean and Mary. Oh, my word! Jensen looks so . . . young . . . youthful . . . boyish . . . something . . . here. Just . . . Dean, reliving a precious memory before his life fell apart. And yet even at that tender age, he was trying to keep his family together.
John and Mary's fight. John moved out. I've read this! Or something similar.
"Dad always said they had the perfect marriage."
"It wasn't perfect until after she died."
I . . . don't know what to say. So real. So painful.
"It's okay, Mom. Dad still loves you. I love you, too. I'll never leave you." And Sam gets new insight into his brother. Almost like back in S1, when he first learned that Dean didn't talk after the fire. Things he didn't know his brother lost. Or the responsibility little Dean carried, even then.
"I just never realized how long you've been cleaning up Dad's messes." Oh, Sam. I think sometimes you forget what a strong brother you have. And how easily he hurts. And Sam hurts for him.
Sam's memory of Flagstaff. I'm happy for his happy memory. And for his dog. And living on Funions and Mr. Pibb. But.
But the flip side is what his brother went through. "You ran away on my watch. I looked everywhere for you. I thought you were dead. And when Dad came home . . . " (I'm not sure what to make of this last bit. It feels almost like ret-conning, in that it feels like it's supposed to imply that Dean got a beating for losing track of Sam, when we have it on pretty good canon authority from "Nightmare" that John didn't hit his sons. But it could also be read that Dad was angry, which I can totally see . . . Anyway . . .)
Sam enjoys the memory of being on his own for two weeks. Dean remembers worry, fear, and anger. Sam running away from him. And this is the earliest incident of what becomes a habit with Sam throughout the series. "Dean, I'm sorry. I never thought about it like that." No, Sam, you didn't think. We've had this discussion before.
And they walk from that memory right into the night Sam left for Stanford. And this Sam knows will hurt Dean. And he tries to move Dean away from the memory. But the hurt will not be avoided. Dean realizes that one of the worst nights of his life is one of Sam's Heaven moments. I get that it was the independence that Sam liked. The getting away from John. But one man's independence is another man's abandonment. And that's what Dean sees in Sam's memories--Sam's consuming desire to be a part of a different family and experience. That Sam's idea of Heaven is an experience that does not include Dean. And that? That cuts Dean on a level I doubt even Alistair could reach.
And I cannot tell you how much I hurt for Dean. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes right now. Because Sam leaving Dean is a recurring theme throughout their relationship. Flagstaff, Stanford (which we are led to believe--continuity errors notwithstanding--that Sam expressed no desire for contact with Dean once he left), and later in "Scarecrow" (though there they actually did talk and keep in touch and looked ready to try a more well-adjusted relationship), and "Hunted," (where Sam, after Dean had begged him for something only Sam could provide, snuck out in the middle of the night, leaving no note or forwarding address), and every night he snuck out with Ruby, and finally, throttling Dean before choosing Ruby over Dean to go fight Lilith.
But Sam never thought of it that way. He never took Dean's perspective into consideration. He never considered what his constantly leaving did to Dean.
I have been waiting for years for Sam to get a clue and realize all of this.
And it looks like in this ep, finally, finally he does. I fear, though, that it might be too little, too late.
(I know my Sam!girl f-listies probably won't appreciate what I've just written. If you need to, consider that I relate to Dean on at least one level: I have a certain fear of being left behind and forgotten. So I can sympathize with Dean's hurt when the person he cares about most in the world actively wants to leave him behind.)
And Sam tries to explain that they look at family differently, but that doesn't really help Dean. Sam tries to reassure Dean that it's still "you and me against the world," and that they're a team, but Dean's experience of the opposite is too vast, and now, seeing what are Sam's Heaven memories . . . he questions that, doesn't trust it anymore.
Now that Sam realizes just how deep this hurt runs in Dean, he's going to have to find a way that Dean understands and will accept to rebuild what's been lost here.
But Zach won't give them time.
Wait. What? Um . . . ookay . . . What's with the Mexican wrestling mask? Bzuh?
"Wait, who are you?" And as Mystery Dude is taking off the mask and cape, I'm sitting there going, "It's . . . It's . . . It's ASH!!!" \o/
And you know? I saw his name in the opening credits, but it totally didn't click!
And I tell Geo, "This is why they have to do Heaven episodes. So they can bring back the awesome supporting cast that they keep killing off!"
Ash was his congregation's number one snake handler! BWAH!!! Of course Ash was a snake handler. I laughed out loud! That's awesome.
One thing I find interesting about what Ash says about people--soul mates--being able to share a heaven . . . Though Sam and Dean were in each other's heavens, they have yet to actually share the experience. Like, have a memory that they both rate as heaven-worthy. However, the fact that they can travel between each other's heavens, that's a good sign for reconciliation, yes? Yes? YES?????
I am pleased that my suspicion that Dean likes Johnny Cash is confirmed here. I also like that Ash can travel between heavens (and this concept of Heaven reminds me very much of the book Five People You Meet in Heaven. It's a common conception of Heaven, but it's not exactly scriptural. However, one aspect that I do like that I think they get right is the idea of having eternity to get to know everyone else in Heaven. Because that will be awesome. Anyway . . . ).
"You boys die more than anyone I have ever met." And this makes me wonder how many times they've died that we don't know about. But then again, maybe I don't want to know.
I love Ash's reaction to learning that Ellen and Jo are dead. And I love that he's been looking for John and Mary.
Pamela!
"It's awesome to have an application--a practical application--for string theory." BWAH! Larry Fleinhardt would love you, Ash.
"If it makes you feel any better, we got Ash killed, too."
"I'm cool with it!"
"He's cool with it."
Oh, I love the banter!
And . . . I'm not sure what to make of the conversation between Dean and Pamela. " 'Tis better to serve in Heaven than to reign in Hell." But her urging Dean to say yes to Michael? It made me a little twitchy for just a moment. But given her experience, I guess I can see her point.
Also? I love Ash and Pamela's interaction. I love the "hang loose" gesture she gives him.
Also, however? I thought Sam was the one Pamela had her eyes on. But apparently Dean was the one she dreamed about kissing.
And at this point . . . things start getting twitchy for me. I've well decided that YEMary is a manipulation created by Zach, whom I well and truly do not like. But I getting ahead of things just a little bit here.
The thing about Dean? The demons know where to hit to hit his weak spot. When YEMary is done, Dean has now heard it in all three of his family's voices. 1) He heard John's voice tell him, "They [your family] don't need you. Not like you need them." 2) He's heard Sam's voice call him pathetic, tell Dean his family would be better off without him. He's also heard Sam tell him he's weak, and that he was holding Sam back. And now, 3) He's heard his mother's voice tell him she didn't love him, that he was a burden, that she was shackled to him. All three voices of the people he's loved and missed the most in his life, all three have told him they don't want him. And to top it all off? Mary's voice tells him that it's something wrong with Dean that makes them all leave. It doesn't really matter that none of these (with the exception of Sam under the siren's influence) were not the individuals themselves talking. What sticks with Dean is voices he loves telling him he's hated.
Sam does, at one moment, before YEM gets started, tries to distract Dean, and Dean looks to him, but they're trapped.
And is it just me, or is Mary talking in a very Zach-like cadence?
I do like that they give a biblical description of (some) angels (four faces, six wings), but I'm a little irked that they made Zach a throne room angel (which is where said four-faced/six-winged angels are seen in scripture).
Zach has taken Dean's memory and perverted it, turned it against him. And Sam is ready to take Zach out for it. But then henchmen show up, and Sam has to watch Zach start beating Dean. Oh, boys.
I like Joshua. Firm but soft spoken. Seems to be a straight shooter. And the boys' idea of The Garden is the Cleveland Botanical Gardens! Hee! Oh! Is this a memory they share? Did they go on the field trip together?
What I don't particularly like is the route the writers appear to be taking with God as uninterested and uninvolved. I'm not surprised that this is the route they're taking. And if they end up doing something amazingly cool, I'll be delighted. And given that Joshua says God is on Earth, I think there's a possibility that we've not heard the last of it. But I'm not holding my breath.
Not that I want a deus ex machina. I understand Sam and Dean being the central force for good in the story. And I am totally behind the free will aspect of things. I just . . . This whole exchange between the boys and Joshua bothered me, with God saying it's not his problem, and he put them on the plane and brought Castiel back and that's enough, he's finished. Just . . . no.
Again, not surprised by this turn of events, but I'm not thrilled with it. *sigh*
And from a character perspective? God was Dean's last hope. He now has . . . nothing. Nothing to fall back on, nothing he can trust, no one he believes will support him. What do you do when you have nothing left? What do you do when God turns his back on you?
And as bad as Dean being so crushed is, is Castiel. Cas, who has just had all his hopes and everything he believed in ripped from him. Man, I hope the writers can turn all of this into something cool that I can get behind, because while I understand and appreciate crises of faith, I want a payoff that makes the struggle worth it.
Cas returns Dean's amulet, calls it worthless. And Sam . . . Sam wants to fix things, to encourage Cas, but Cas disappears to parts unknown. As far as they know, another ally lost.
And Sam is determined to find another way. At this point, Sam is going to have to be the one to keep the mission going. Cas is gone (as far as we know), Bobby is in no condition to take part in the fight right now. And Dean. Dean is crushed. Just . . . crushed. It's going to take all of Sam's determination and drive and encouragement. He wants to find a way, with Dean. The two of them, to find a way to stop it. Sam, I hope you learned some lessons here, because it's your call now, dude.
When Dean didn't put on the necklace, I thought, "Oh, this is not good." I knew something was wrong.
And when Dean holds the amulet over the waste basket . . . Nonononono!
And he does. He drops it in the garbage. Because he thinks everything it represented has been a sham. And I was crushed.
I won't be surprised if we never see the amulet again. They've chosen to lose all Dean's jewelry this season. They haven't given us a good story reason for losing the ring or the watch, though they did work it out for Sam losing his bracelet. But the amulet . . . useless in finding God, representative of a brother whom he discovered does not include him among his best memories and experiences. A brother whose idea of heaven is getting away from Dean.
I like to think that the look Sam gives Dean as Dean walks out without a backward glance . . . I like to think that it is Sam finally realizing how much his brother hurts--just hurts--from what Sam has done to Dean (intentional or not), and from losing everything that has kept him going. I've wanted Sam to see this for years. And I hope this episode was a breakthrough in that regard. Because all the progress that has been made this season after they reunited? These wounds cut Dean deeper than anything.
And I like to think that the look holds at least a sliver of some sort of determination--realization that he has to do right by Dean, if not make it right, at least somehow find a way to restore some part of Dean's desire to go on, some small measure of hope.
I also think Dean's ditching the amulet is his way of cutting himself off from the past, but I can't really find the words to explain why I think that.
Now, part of me likes to think that Sam picked the amulet up out of the garbage and tucked it away, with the intention of re-gifting it to Dean at the appropriate time, symbolic of a new beginning, perhaps. But given the angst level on this show, I'm not holding my breath.
When asked at the recent con what it would take for the brothers to go back to the way they were in S1, Jensen responded that they will have to hit rock bottom. I thought they'd already been there. Apparently, I was very, very wrong.
*sob*
And next week? Boy am I twitchy about that one. Excited, yes. But twitchy.
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Date: 2010-04-03 11:47 am (UTC)Whenever I start to think about it, I just keep telling myself that it's just a TV show. So far, it's working.
Regarding Pamela - she actually first showed interest in Dean in Lazarus Rising (she grabbed him under the table), but then for some reason, the show seemed to swtich gears and had her talk about Sam's butt in Dream a Little Dream, then I think she grabbed Sam's butt in the one Anna episode (I can't remember if that's Heaven and Hell or another episode).
What can you say about Jensen in this episode? He was just great in this whole episode - Dean really did seem to de-age in both the fireworks scene and when he was his 4 year old self. But then, when "evil Mary" is talking, he's freaking out a bit, trying to find a way out, not wanting to hear this stuff, knowing it's not true, but still thinking what if it is true.
I agree with you that the Dean throwing out the amulet was not about one thing, it was the accumulation and representation of a lot of things, including Castiel (I think Dean didn't want to believe that Castiel could find God with the amulet, but maybe a little part of him did hope that he could, but then to see Castiel lose faith and curse God), what Joshua said, and that he saw that his relationship with Sam was different in reality than what he thought.
The one thing I liked about this episode is that the writers actually allowed Dean to speak his piece, and not just stand there and take it and not say anything (like in Metamorphasis and Fallen Idols). Both brothers got to say how they were feeling, which, I think is a good step forward.
I wonder how far Kripke is going to push the God thing? I also wonder who Kripke is going to say who God is. Joshua said he's on Earth now, but I hope it's not someone the Winchesters know.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-04 02:52 am (UTC)Oh, I very much agree. The timing of the airing of the ep during Holy Week did not help at all.
Yes, I keep telling myself it's just a TV show, too. That's what's kept me hanging in so long. "Heaven and Hell" almost reached my tipping point.
I think the thing with Pamela and Dean and Pamela and Sam is that Pamela likes to grope good looking men. Even Bobby isn't immune, if you consider a body-lifting bear hug akin to a "grope." *g* But I did get the impression that she was more interested in Sam than Dean. But it's really neither here nor there. It just kind of made me go, "huh."
Jensen. What can any of us say about Jensen? He's amazing.
There is much more in your comment that we could discuss, but it's getting late.
In more exciting news, though, vid clips from the Rome con are starting to be posted. Have I mentioned recently that I love these guys?
no subject
Date: 2010-04-04 01:55 am (UTC)Don't kill me but i liked how they portray God in this ep. I can be wrong but for me what they're saying isn't that Gos is uninterested. It's the opposite. He did save them from Luci, He did resurrect Cas for them to help. Now it's their turn to prove God chose them for a reason. It's like in that story about drowning man praying for God's help when he refused to climb on the boat and be saved by rescue team because he believed that God will save him. And after dying he asked God why He didn't save him? And God said - i sent you a boat and a rescue team but you was the one who refused to be saved. That's what i see right now in the show. The whole story on this mytharc is a lesson. For angels, for hunams. And what kind of a lesson it'll be if God will intervene and save the day? They (and angels and humans) have to find a way to save themselves from a mess they created and prove to God that they deserve Free Will (for humans) and serve to God (for angels).
And also i think that hitting rock bottom (for Dean and Cas) will help them to gather strength and fight again. I mean they're both in ridiculously similar situation right now. They both lost everything. And they both know that the world is still depend on them. Isn't it a great base for a new start?
As for Pam's words i like they presented this POV. I don't know what they think of her there - was she another Zach's manipulation or not but imo, that POV must be presented to clear things up because really she was right. Technically in Kripke's universe all martyrs (and innocents who were killed at war are martyrs, right?) will go to heaven so what's to worry about? They'll be safe there and for many people heaven will be a lot better place then the one they're now. So i think before Dean makes any decisions he had to hear this POV too and take it to consideration.
As for the amulet i'm for 99% sure that sam will pick it up and will give it to Dean again. But sadly for me as a viewer it's too little too late.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-04 03:05 am (UTC)I know you don't like Sam. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you've never liked Sam. I don't begrudge Sam wanting to go to college, or even wanting something other than an itinerate lifestyle. What has bothered me most is that he's never considered how his attitude and actions affect Dean. Now he knows, which is what I've wanted for ages. Like gatorpez said, Dean finally got to speak his piece. I think it was a revelation for Sam. I'll be interested to see where it goes.
I'm not surprised you and I disagree in our opinions of how they're handling God. That seems pretty par for the course for us. And I very much see what you're saying with the anecdote about God using earthy means to affect a divine end. It happens all the time. But that's not what the show said. The show said that God saved Sam and Dean, gave them salvation in Heaven, and that he's done. That the Apocalypse isn't his problem. That's not a god who is giving tools to enable. That's a god who is leaving Sam and Dean to fend for themselves. I see where you're going with it, but that's just not what I see in what Show is giving me at this point in time. As I said, if the writers do turn this into something cool, I'll be glad to be proven wrong. But the way this episode ended did not leave me with much hope. I could say more, but at this point, it will just get muddled.
And wow. It is late. I should have been in bed an hour ago. Busy day tomorrow. TWO play performances!
no subject
Date: 2010-04-05 05:35 am (UTC)I really hope Kripke/the writers turn this around in the end, make God awesome. Much as I love the boys, and I really really do, I'm tired of them being the only force for good. I want Joshua to be lying, I want Gabriel to side with Team Free Will, and I want God to be awesome.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-05 10:41 am (UTC)Oh, honey. I totally get what you're saying. I was ecstatic when Cas showed up at the beginning of last season because for ages I'd wanted there to be a supernatural force for Good. I started feeling it especially keenly when Ruby (1.0) told Dean about becoming a demon. After my original WT????? moment I was just so frustrated and tired of the boys having to fight all this supernatural Evil by themselves. All this supernatural Evil and there was no supernatural Good? Sorry Kripke. Thanks for playing, but try again.
Then Cas showed up and just . . . wow. (Don't know if you've read my reviews from last year, but I expound on my Cas love in a couple of them.)
I totally get that the writers want the boys to be the story's primary force for Good. It's their story, right? The story of Sam and Dean. But I am so totally with you on your comment.
I don't want Joshua to be lying so much as be mistaken or having misinterpreted what God said. I don't want him to be just another manipulative angel. And I definitely want to see Gabe again siding with Team Free Will. (Making the Trickster be Gabriel is another issue I have, but I've calmed down a wee bit since hearing Richard talk about it.) And yes, I want them to give me a satisfying pay-off to everything they've done so far, and that includes making God awesome.
At this point, though, I'm not sure how much I trust them. I'm resigned rather than hopeful right now (kinda like Dean?), but I'd love to be proven wrong.